Insecurities

They said,
My light would attract others
Little did I know
I have to burn for that…

*Insecurities*
Root. Inferiority Complex
“Confidence is silent, insecurities are deafening.”

1. ‘Patriarchy’
My GF is better than me. She is great at studies, good looking, charming and independent. Am happy for her. Am happy for us. Ain’t I?
Well, am happy for her. For her progress. The way she is right now.
Is her progress my insecurities?

What if she meets someone better. Someone better looking, better positioned in life, with a better lifestyle. I mean, am not jealous of her. I am just highly concerned about the patriarchy. Aren’t men expected to lead? Won’t the society compare us every now and then? ( Oh. Please. You do. Good Looking Girl with not so good looking bf. Talented girl with an average bf. You judge. Society, you suck.)

What are my options?
‘Competition. Unsaid, unhealthy Competition’. I wasn’t competing with one guy. I was competing for my place in her life. Well, maturely speaking, if she loves me, I should trust her. Right?? But, what if she doesn’t want to leave me cause of ‘pity’ feeling?

Moreover, we often meet people during our journey. Right? You may have had a gf since school time, or during your college life. The reason you met was that you were on the same path in the first place. What if she meets someone better in her new trajectories? Can I ever fulfil her need? We used to have discussions cause we belonged to the same place, but now?

I joined the competition. I joined the race. I changed in the process. I was burnt in order to attract it. I faded away, nonchalantly. I lost myself.
They say love is neither an attraction nor finding the right one. It’s more about finding yourself in the other person. But, I have lost the real me. I have lost her in the race.

After days of dissatisfactions and disappointments, we broke up. We part ways.

“At the funeral of his relation, he brought hammer of insecurities and nailed trust into the coffin.”

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it… ” — Paulo Coehlo

Insecurities*
Root. Beautiful Paradox
“Real Eyes — Realizes — Real Lies”

2. The Wrong Set of Eyewears.

Two firemen who go into a forest to put out a fire. After the fire one has the face dirty while the other has it clean. Which one is more likely to wash his face?
Obviously, the one with the clean face because he sees himself through the gaze of the other (the one with a dirty face) (an Individual vs The Society)

I am insecure because I believe that people and society have some expectations. I doubt, and as I grow am supposed to be stronger, but am I? What a beautiful paradox am living with.

*Death and Love*
“The fiercest battles have witnessed the strongest loves.”
A fatally wounded soldier never asks the medical team: ‘Please save me!’ His last words are usually: ‘Tell my wife and my son that I love them.’
At the last moment, they speak of love!”

So the PROBLEM?
Eye Glasses. Apparently, they are colour coated. Red Glasses, Blue Glasses, etc. Once you wear them, you see nothing but the different shades of the same colour.

Moreover,
“The faintest hope is the biggest burden.”
It is still believed,
‘A day will come when he will hug her lovely spouse and take a deep sigh which they must not have taken since their separation and the world will say, — there’s no distance that can make them apart because the wait is finally over.’

“It is important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is, it no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.” — The Zahir, Paulo Coelho.